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Online dating seeks perfection

The Ugly Truth About Online Dating,What People Expect

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In addition, it suggests they lack the emotional resources to deal with any differences, challenges, and conflicts that might occur in the relationship. The Dissatisfaction of Perfectionism. Carter, S. Del amor al compromiso. Interesting Articles. Romantic Relationships Unloved Daughters and Their Adult Relationships. Romantic Relationships How to Develop a Secure Attachment in Adulthood. Romantic Relationships The Importance of Understanding Teen Romance. Romantic Relationships Why Do You Stay in Relationships That Hurt You?

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Enter a valid email. Then of course there is the matter of sex. If they are deeply in love and enjoying the best sex of their life, they assume that, though the quantity may decline as the years pass, the sex will remain great and they will never be tempted by anyone else.

Finally, people assume that their partner will understand them at some deep, intuitive level. Others hope this understanding will be so absolute that they will be able to submerge their frightened little ego in a stronger, greater whole. Poets throughout the ages have written of a yearning to somehow enter into or blend with their lover.

There is a tendency among those bored or disillusioned by marriage to inform the young often with some pleasure that they have no idea what they are letting themselves in for. The real problem is that people simply demand too much.

And they also tend to demand contradictory things. For example, a woman who marries a sexy, exciting, dangerous man may be disappointed when he proves not to be dependable, patient and loyal as well.

Or a man may be frustrated because his sweet, gentle girlfriend is not an exciting, passionate lover. Almost no one will fulfil you in every way. They may be sensitive and understanding but boring company, or perhaps they will prove intellectually stimulating but fail to comfort you when you are sad or frightened. Rather than seeking perfection, you need to work out which quality or trait you prize most highly. For example, perhaps you want love, intimacy and companionship.

If that is what you want most of all, you may have to compromise on looks or personality. The most obvious danger for those seeking perfection is simple disappointment. And this sense of disappointment can ruin what might have been a perfectly happy and fulfilling relationship.

For too many people it is all or nothing. They have an ideal fixed in their mind, both of their partner and of the life they will enjoy together. When they meet someone, they then project onto them the dreams they have harboured for so long. After a few months, the illusion is shattered and they grow bitter.

Had they been realistic from the start, however, the relationship may have been a rewarding and enriching one. Unfortunately, people tend to blame their partner for this shattered dream and to feel they have been somehow cheated or tricked. Online dating presents an effective solution to a serious problem. Statistics suggest that about 1 in 5 relationships begin online nowadays.

Before you throw caution to the wind and empty your wallet into the pockets of an online app with the reckless abandon of a love-struck teenager , there are a few things you should know. OK, this is hardly an earth-shattering revelation. Well duh, people want to be appealing. A study of over 1, online daters in the US and UK conducted by global research agency OpinionMatters founds some very interesting statistics. Women apparently lied more than men, with the most common dishonesties being about looks.

But men were only marginally better. Their most common lies were about their financial situation, specifically about having a better job financially than they actually do. In both the US and UK samples, dishonesty declined with age. Maybe older people are just more interested in projecting their real self, rather than an imagined or ideal version.

One of the big problems with online dating for women is that, although there are genuine relationship-seeking men on the sites, there are also plenty of guys on there simply looking for sex. Not quite, but it is full of unscrupulous vendors looking to separate you from your money by whatever means possible in other news, have you heard about the secret to getting killer abs in less than 7 minutes using this 1 weird trick…? There are pitfalls and tripwires in every sphere of life, but this may be particularly true in the context of online dating.

It might even be advisable to follow these general guidelines:. If something feels off, trust your gut. Never mind the fact that more than one-third of all people who use online dating sites have never actually gone on a date with someone they met online , those that somehow do manage to find someone else they are willing to marry and who is willing to marry them a vanishingly tiny subset of online daters face an uphill battle. And it gets worse.

Couples who met online are nearly 3 times as likely to get divorced as couples that met face-to-face.

The brutal fact is that no relationship is perfect because no individual is perfect. Naturally, expectations vary from person to person. Most people, however, have an ideal type. For one woman, the ideal man may be strong and silent, while her best friend is attracted to loveable rogues. Some are drawn to fragility and vulnerability, others to strength and self-reliance. Not only do people dream of the ideal partner, they also dream of the ideal relationship.

First, they assume that it will somehow complete them, second that it will make them happy. They also tend to expect the initial excitement to last forever — to feel the same joy when their partner walks into the room 10, 20, or 30 years down the line. Women, on the other hand, often expect a second father, someone who will treat them as a princess and indulge their every whim.

The fundamental problem is simple: your partner is a separate individual whose needs, desires, and interests will often be different to your own. People assume that their partner will know when they wish to be left alone, or when they need to talk. They may also assume that their partner will want to have children at the same time, live in the same kind of house, even go on the same kind of vacation.

Then of course there is the matter of sex. If they are deeply in love and enjoying the best sex of their life, they assume that, though the quantity may decline as the years pass, the sex will remain great and they will never be tempted by anyone else. Finally, people assume that their partner will understand them at some deep, intuitive level. Others hope this understanding will be so absolute that they will be able to submerge their frightened little ego in a stronger, greater whole.

Poets throughout the ages have written of a yearning to somehow enter into or blend with their lover. There is a tendency among those bored or disillusioned by marriage to inform the young often with some pleasure that they have no idea what they are letting themselves in for.

The real problem is that people simply demand too much. And they also tend to demand contradictory things. For example, a woman who marries a sexy, exciting, dangerous man may be disappointed when he proves not to be dependable, patient and loyal as well.

Or a man may be frustrated because his sweet, gentle girlfriend is not an exciting, passionate lover. Almost no one will fulfil you in every way. They may be sensitive and understanding but boring company, or perhaps they will prove intellectually stimulating but fail to comfort you when you are sad or frightened.

Rather than seeking perfection, you need to work out which quality or trait you prize most highly. For example, perhaps you want love, intimacy and companionship. If that is what you want most of all, you may have to compromise on looks or personality. The most obvious danger for those seeking perfection is simple disappointment. And this sense of disappointment can ruin what might have been a perfectly happy and fulfilling relationship.

For too many people it is all or nothing. They have an ideal fixed in their mind, both of their partner and of the life they will enjoy together. When they meet someone, they then project onto them the dreams they have harboured for so long. After a few months, the illusion is shattered and they grow bitter. Had they been realistic from the start, however, the relationship may have been a rewarding and enriching one.

Unfortunately, people tend to blame their partner for this shattered dream and to feel they have been somehow cheated or tricked.

Many lurch from one relationship to the next, forever allowing themselves to become trapped in the same vicious circle: they set an impossible standard, meet with inevitable disappointment, feel that their lover has cheated or failed them, become furious, begin to detach, meet someone new, convince themselves that this time it will be different, and then begin the same process over again. Then of course there are those few individuals who seek perfection and find it. Yet even this has its dangers.

Those who believe their long search is at an end and that they have found the one person ideal for them must now cope with fear and jealousy. Imagine a woman in her late twenties. Ever since childhood she has had an ideal man in mind.

Though she meets several good, loving men, none are quite right. She tries internet dating and meets one man after another, but each time she leaves the date disappointed. Then she meets someone who ticks every box. It has taken her so long to find him that she now lives in terror that he will leave. He begins to feel suffocated and resentful and, to her shock, announces that he is leaving.

Human beings are fragile, flawed, and complicated, and expecting a complete stranger to fulfil you in every way is madness. No one is going to be the perfect lover, friend, buddy, carer, parent and so on all at the same time. Quite simply, the more realistic you are the greater your chances of happiness. There is no perfect relationship. Of course, fights and misunderstandings are inevitable as well as disappointments. That is why it is important to set some boundaries in the relationship.

Your email address will not be published. Mark Goddard, Ph. is a licensed psychologist and a consultant specializing in the social-personality psychology. His publications include magazine chapters, articles and self-improvement books on CBT for anxiety, stress and depression.

In his spare time, he enjoys reading about political and social history. Goddard in this column are his own, are not made in any official capacity, and do not represent the opinions of his employers. Skip to Content Healthguidance. org Lifestyle Relationships The Danger of Seeking Perfection in Relationships. Share 0. What People Expect Naturally, expectations vary from person to person.

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Seeking Perfection in Relationships,The Reality

AdCompare Online Dating Sites, Join the Right Site For You & Meet Singles Online! Compare Dating Sites with Genuine Profiles. Meet Local Singles & Find Your blogger.com has been visited by 10K+ users in the past monthService catalog: Video Chat, See Profiles, Find Singles Nearby, Match with Locals AdEveryone Knows Someone Who's Met Online. Join Here, Browse For Free. Everyone Know Someone Who's Met Online. Start Now and Browse for Free AdPremium Service Designed Specifically for Muslims. Join Now. Somewhere Out There Your True Love is Praying For Someone Like You. Join Now AdFind Your Special Someone Online. Choose the Right Dating Site & Start Now!  · Rather than seeking perfection, you need to work out which quality or trait you prize most highly. For example, perhaps you want love, intimacy and companionship. If that is  · It actually sounds foolish that this kind of idea even exists, but it does. Furthermore, in the not- too distant future, you may even be able to “order” your dream partner online. Estimated Reading Time: 4 mins ... read more

If that is what you want most of all, you may have to compromise on looks or personality. I accept the terms, conditions and the privacy policy. Subscribe to our newsletter Select from the 0 categories from which you would like to receive articles. Then she meets someone who ticks every box. Goddard in this column are his own, are not made in any official capacity, and do not represent the opinions of his employers. Human Relationships Romantic Relationships.

Get Help Find a Therapist Find a Treatment Center Online dating seeks perfection a Psychiatrist Find a Support Group Find Teletherapy Members Login Sign Up United States Austin, TX Brooklyn, NY Chicago, IL Denver, CO Houston, TX Los Angeles, CA New York, NY Portland, OR San Diego, CA San Francisco, CA Seattle, WA Washington, DC. Then of course there are those few individuals who seek perfection and find it. Back Get Help. For example, a woman who marries a sexy, exciting, online dating seeks perfection, dangerous man may be disappointed when he proves not to be dependable, patient and loyal as well. In fact, not even machines are perfect. Romantic Relationships How to Identify an Attachment Style on a First Date. Perfection isn't always perfect.

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